Women…..women….women. Part 5 “Trois”

{Writers note:This is my fifth entry in a blog series that will end only when I have nothing more to contribute. I don’t know when that will be…I mean I truly don’t…but I intend for it to be truthful…as truthful as I have ever known things to be in my own experiences. Names will be withheld in some case but they will not be replaced. That sort of bullshit screws of my writing flow.}

“Life is funny..
The tricks it plays…
Can’t help believing in the hands of fate..”
“Crazy love” -Cee-cee Penniston

One of my faves…..fitting for this post.

When you’re young, lots of times you just don’t give a shit…until its time to give a shit 🙂

In the military, having sex with married women is normal…. Because horny wives are everywhere. I can’t even say you could blame either person involved because they both have valid reasons for their actions: she is a neglected military wife looking for excitement. He is a man in uniform looking for a good time.
It’s just a match made to start a fire.

The thing is though; you usually don’t take it personal. Because you know she isn’t gonna leave her husband (remember this line, you’ll see it again) and secondly, you’re young, you didn’t want to settle down anyway. In the end, you both knew the rules so there can be a little “hard feelings” but not too much. Now I would like to stress that for the record I never pushed myself on a married woman. I have a freaky honor system about that. And ANYONE who is military knows what I’m about to say is true: dependent wives will go after the guy they want.

So to reiterate, I’m no stranger to love triangles.

Many years after my military career, I ran into another married woman. However, unlike past married ladies, she was interested in me but didn’t push up on me and I certainly didn’t push up on her. She told me about her marriage and it was typical: she married too young and even though her husband does what he is supposed to do as a provider, he basically ignored her. He didn’t show any attraction to her unless his dick was hard and even then, it was very one-sided: he needed her pussy to get off. It wasn’t about mutual pleasure.
I suppose you’re just a “Hole” at that point eh?
For many years, she accepted this. THIS she thought, was what marriage was. You take care of your kids, laundry, cook food, go to work and get fucked by your husband on occasion. She had passion before her marriage but those men didn’t work out and she was tired of being hurt. Her future husband was a nice guy…and she felt that he was a good person to settle down with…And for the most part even I can say he was.

After getting to know her, as a friend I gave her some ideas, not advice…just some ideas of how she could maybe spice up her marriage. The problem was, her husband had no desire to do those things because like many married men, they figure: Why should I? I already got you.

You never think your wife is going anywhere else…and thus foolishly you take her for granted. It is offensive in a very real way to someone who you profess to love because their feelings should be job 1 for you and vice versa. But again, her husband was typical of many unhappy married women.

Meanwhile, things between me and this girl heated up and eventually we wound up fucking. She was good outside the bedroom and inside. It was a win-win for me because I wasn’t too emotionally invested in it. I cared about her of course, and we would hang and talk, but we would fuck on many occasions.

(NOTICE HOW INTIMACY DOES NOT EQUAL PASSION)

Looking back on it now, I think it was the friendship that made me fall for her. Because someone you can vibe with is not easy to find, ALTERNATELY, and this is KEY: you can be who you are when you’re friends. See when you’re in a relationship, sometimes you gotta be politically correct in regards to the other persons feelings, but FRIENDS can be jerks sometimes and you guys don’t have to go home being totally mad at each other, or lay in bed angry 🙂 friend ship is just so free like that. That’s what we had, we would fuck, but we could talk and even argue as friends. Yeah I got the cold shoulder at times because I pissed her off, but we always made up because you accept the other person as they are. Whereas in a relationship, you’re sorta stuck WISHING the other person would change whatever it is you can’t stand. Again, being friends was just so free for both of us.

Time went on, and though I had sex with a couple of other women( remember I’m single) she was my steady for YEARS.

And those years begin to make you feel a certain way. You feel comfortable with this person in your life. You let them be around your kid a little, you get upset when something upsets them, you miss them when they are gone and you begin to get upset because they fuck their husband.
Yep, you’re in love 🙂
Some see it as a fuck up, but its not. It’s natural considering the circumstances. When you think about how much time has been invested into this special relationship, it can only turn into something that you care about. And time was definitely invested. There were many nights I felt ridiculously stupid and foolish for loving her, knowing she was married. But I felt that she loved me as well, so it hurt, but the pain would leave when I saw her.
Sometimes I would get distant with her, because I knew she still fucked her husband on occasion….but I always forgave it. You love someone you just can’t stay mad at them. Her telling me that she hates when she does it with him didn’t matter. I mean, that’s your husband, how you gonna not fuck him?
Besides, I knew what it was from jump…
But I had no clue about what it would be later…the whole “love” thing.

It took many years but what we had tapered off. It tapered off because I got past my feelings. I was simply READY.  For all her professed love for me, (Which can i say was genuine) I knew she would never leave her husband and I wasn’t even sure if I ever wanted her to.
Because the truth is, passion goes both ways. We had passion but we ARGUED with the same passion. However we both knew that if we were in a relationship we would not be able to stay mad at one another and that would have meant a LOT. However, that was secondary to the main truth:the ONLY reason I was mad was because I wasn’t the only one. Its not that I wanted to marry her, I just didn’t want someone else to touch her. Yes I would have been loyal to her, I actually was, because the only time I did have another chick was to get over her. Yeah I enjoyed it, but that’s not who I wanted. In my heart I always wanted her. BUT I woulda never married her MAINLY because I knew we would argue a ton AND I’m not big on marriage anyway. So in keeping it real with myself, I found that I was being sorta….how should I put it….untruthful to who I was in a very silly way…because I DID like the situation MOST times. She wasn’t in my face all the time, I had my space, I was officially single and could talk to who I wanted to, and I did, but I didn’t fuck anyone cuz I didn’t want to. I was thinking that she had the best of both worlds but really I did. She was trapped in a marriage and I wasn’t. I could do whatever I wanted to do when I wanted to, but she couldn’t, she needed permission from an overbearing husband, no MATTER my feelings, I was free to do me, leave or stay, fuck someone or not…and I KNEW THIS…there were just TIMES that I didn’t want her to fuck her husband 🙂 SILLY? Hell yes, but that was my emotion. REAL TALK? If she actually never had sex with him, she coulda stayed married to him and everything. Because I can be a moody person and I dig my space lots of times. My feelings were making me forget to be real in regards to just what type of MAN I was 🙂 To be even MORE real the fact remains that i NEVER asked her to leave her husband. YEARS later, Even  SHE said that if i had ASKED her to make that jump she may have considered it, but yall can see why i wasnt gonna do that. the situation pained me at times but for the wrong, almost selfish reasons.

The shit is laughable once it comes to you. And I didn’t start thinking about it until I noticed that she got SOOOOOOO jealous and accusing me of things…that’s when I started really putting things together. That’s when I saw how free I am and how TOUGH this situation was for her. Because whether I was just a side piece or LOVER, the TIME was invested in me. She CARED about me and didn’t want to lose me. So whether i was just a good fuck or boyfriend, I was important to her.

But far be it from me to tell a woman to leave her husband. Let life or god break that up, I’m NOT going to be the one to tell a woman to do that shit. Add THAT to the truth of my feelings …..And she is still married to her husband to this day.

Just as I figured she would be, just as perhaps she OUGHT to be.

She and I are still good friends and that will  never change. We went through a LOT, more than what I’ve written on this little blog, but those things either make a friendship stronger or break it.
But what’s  also REAL is that we had our time and we did what we could with it in regards to our circumstances.  And that’s it. We had years that can never be erased. i would NEVER trade my time, because i learned so much about…myself and how i deal with my feelings.

There were a lot of quiet times when she left my place to go back to her family…it made me think about how a man can get fucked and left just like a woman.   Make no mistake, being the third party is a unique situation. There are things that you know that the husband or wife will never know. Its like you’re a psychologist and sex partner, but in getting to know this person, you begin to see just who they are and its either not good or not so bad.

A love triangle is as old as relationships are..
So there is anything new I could write in regards to the dynamics of it that isn’t written somewhere else. I can however write about what I walked away with..

If you feel like you’re just a side piece..
Or
If you feel like the other person is full of shit..
Or
Or if you feel like the other person IS a good person, LOVES you and its just not your time…
Then my advice is simple: you stay until your brain or heart truly is done. You will know when that time is, believe me. The truth of the matter is all of those emotions are STEPS to the end result.

There were times where I said: FUCK THIS, ITS OVER.
And we would make up. Because life just didn’t seem right without her. i WASN’T ready.
THAT is what you have to come to understand, you will always care about them, always have an attraction to them…and even wonder what could have been. All of those things are truth and feelings, so don’t dismiss them. But what’s also the truth is that you get what you feel you deserve in life. If you feel you deserve your own man then go toward that goal, but if you feel like you just want to have fun…then do that too. But WHATEVER you feel, respect it. Even if its confusion on wanting to be with the other person intimately or not…feel that confusion, digest it and you may end up in the bed with them or you may not, but I warn you: Bury your feelings at your own risk. REAL TALK. Respect your feelings.

REGARDLESS of how you feel today and tomorrow, one day you WILL feel different. You just have to make sure you don’t fight it when you do.  You’re going to be surer than the other times when you thought you were. A good rule of thumb is that if you can go through the day without thinking about them, if your body no longer screams for their touch….its time:) that’s how it was for me.

And it can, and usually DOES,  take YEARS. If its something special, and not just two people fucking, then i suppose that’s how long it should take. Feelings become deeper over time. Care is Care and love is love.

Its gonna hurt….but NOT as bad as it would when you aren’t ready.Because you went through the steps. You didn’t cut off your feelings like you did before, you grew into your feelings. Until you’re ready, you HAVE to take your feelings one day at a time. You literally have to accept the fact that “I love this person and I love being with this person, but i know what this is wont last forever. But today isnt that day”  That is how i came to think, And it was a tough process to get THERE, But that helped me a lot…because i realized that everything was up to ME, When before i felt like i had no control, Because we were doing so much. I sorta tamed the love/emotional whirlwind and learned to RIDE it and knew when it was time to get off.  And as god is my witness that is an ability that has helped me a LOT in my day to day life 🙂
But i stress, you HAVE to be ready. Simple “out of site, out of mind” wont work because you WILL find them  🙂 LOL!!! The cool thing is if you guys really have something, then the other person is going through the same thing you’re going through.  When you guys don’t speak, its pain for both.

Alternately, If you’re just WHIPPED on some asshole person, they just take advantage of your weakness for them. Which will find you getting fucked and left by that dude  and feeling pretty dumb.  Ive seen that scenario more often than i have seen what i had. Many women just fall for such assholes and its USUALLY because of the sex they put down. It really goes to show how women need to be EXTRA selective of who they allow inside of them. Because when women get done RIGHT… y’all go ALL IN. and that’s BAD when its just some selfish dude. because he will use you UP and pull you back in the minute you start rebuilding yourself. VICIOUS CYCLE.

So understand, that if the feelings are really mutual,you both will be going through the same withdrawal from each other. it will be something a LOT deeper than a text saying “please come back, I miss you” NAH…you gonna get speeches on voice mail and long emails. See that shit takes TIME to do. “Please come back, i miss you and love you” means he just wants to make your heart melt to fuck you. Which is something MANY women fall for simply because you’re so sad and those little bit of words make you feel good. SET THE BAR HIGHER FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS.
THIS IS MALE EDUCATION CHICKS.  YOU BETTER TAKE NOTES.

For good or ILL, when it comes to your heart, its just a GODLY thing. Higher powers have brought you two together for whatever reason and for however long, you have to experience it, your heart will not allow you to run away from it, until its time to leave.

I will say this though: the two of you will always have something. Always 🙂 and MAYBE…AND I DO MEAN MAYBE… if you guys are trapped on an island alone  things could happen. It makes you smile when before it made you mad that they weren’t yours to begin with. And you may or may not find this…almost spiritual… connection again, but at least you had it to know of it.

What else can I say? RESPECT the process…and your feelings..The heart wants what it wants and that Love has a way of making a wonderful moment or screwing up that same moment with thoughts of jealousy  🙂

“And as i beheld you, i saw you locked in a cage..A cage designed by your own fears…
You had known many “lovers” but it was I alone who LOVED you… and my love is deeper  than any ocean… and more Pure than any Lilly white fairy tale”

T.F.

Women….women…women.. Part 4 “DICKS”

{Writers note:This is my fourth entry in a blog series that will end only when I have nothing more to contribute. I don’t know when that will be…I mean I truly don’t…but I intend for it to be truthful…as truthful as I have ever known things to be in my own experiences. Names will be withheld in some case but they will not be replaced. That sort of bullshit screws of my writing flow.}

“When it comes to SEX, there is nothing like a man who knows what he’s doing'” -Women

“When it comes to a JOB there’s nothing like an experienced worker” -Potential Boss.

(Notice the similarities? Do yah see the irony tho?????)
Women love a man who can put it down. For most women if a man can make them cum then that’s half the battle. And it IS a battle.
They call it the “battle of the sexes”, but its really the “battle of Dick vs Pussy”

Seriously.

“Which can give the most pleasure????”
The stakes of this battle are nothing less than world domination.
And for many years, pussy has ruled the world…ONLY because men aren’t on their game.

As a card carrying NERD, I was a virgin for a long time…I pride myself on that fact because during that time I chose to learn everything I could in regards to females. I read a lot of Redbook, cosmopolitan, Essence magazine, the encyclopedia (vaginal anatomy) and a few other books. Pornography helped a lot as well….usually for jerking off…BUT it showed me where I would need to put my dick at when the time came. (super important for that awkward first time.)

Speaking of which, my first time was memorable for a few reasons

1.She was a Jehovah’s witness
(Never thought I would see THAT shit. If I knew they were selling “door to door pussy” I woulda let more of em’ inside my house)

2. My parents were in the next room and I had NO lock on my door at ALL. So the “living between life and death” scenario was ultra exciting and unforgettable for me.

3. She thought I wasn’t a virgin because I was so good.

So here I was blowing a woman’s mind and body with only a marginal idea of what I was PHYSICALLY doing. So the next time, we had sex, I made sure to explore…ahhhh fuck it why lie? I used her as PRACTICE for subsequent women 🙂 But those are the things you do with your “first”.

My point of the last paragraph is that I CARED enough to WANT to get BETTER. Here is the problem with men,  women have spots that NEED attention. The spots are outside and INSIDE and most men just dont take the time to find them. Women know this problem quite well while many men seem to ignore it. “Men just seem to want to get theirs”

The sad truth of the matter is that the average man doesn’t work to perfect his sex game.

Don’t believe me?

Ladies have you ever noticed when you’re with your girlfriends and past sexual encounters come up and there is usually ONE to THREE dicks that were better than the other TEN? THAT is the average my friends. And it’s usually two dicks and not three. I was being nice. So you see why women walk away from many sexual encounters pissed because the guy didn’t have the tool or the skills…leaving the woman to do herself later on…reminiscing about the good dick she had before this new loser. Women complain about this shit so much that EVERY MONTH you can find a magazine with something like “Drive her WILD” on the cover. Most editors of magazines are WOMEN, even the MEN magazines have women editors, the job of the editor is to have the final say on what goes in the magazine and what doesn’t. Don’t you see??? THEY ARE TRYING TO HELP MEN BY SENDING BLATANT INSTRUCTIONS !!

Or am I being a conspiracy theorist? I don’t think so.

As a man, I feel bad for women when it comes to finding a good sex partner. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some WHACK ladies in the bedroom, but I’m a man…we can find someway to get our shit off even if she acts like a cold fish in the bed. As long as she is lazy enough to stay in a position we put her in, a man can get off. So yes, a dick can turn a lemon into lemonade.

But women are more complex. They need more attention. As far as I’m concerned EVERY woman should cum EVERY TIME she has sex with her lover. If not, then you’re just going through the motions. Sure it feels good, but there’s a big payoff you’re cheating yourself out of. As a man, its our duty to get a woman to cum….hell….even wet the bed…fuck it…have her shaking in the bed.

(and YES she is going to be blowing up your phone after this and she may turn into a crazy broad…BUT you did your job. You made her HAPPY and satisfied her sexually. Pat yourself on the back dude.)

Here is the scary shit: women are multi orgasmic,  men cum only once. If I could cum multiple times in rapid succession like a woman, I would PROBABLY have more gray hairs on my beard than I do now…hell I would probably be dead at 45. But women are built to handle this amazing ability. Realize this: if men were on their game..sexually…DICKS would win the battle. NO I don’t want dicks to rule the world (though I’m SURE a lot of Chelsea residents would dig THAT ) but it would be a step in the right direction if I heard women complain less about sexual dissatisfaction.

The right dick has the ability to blow a woman’s mind. Yet they are hard to find because of selfish dudes. Women are so frustrated, DILDOS have been a money maker for years. And the things these dildos can do are just amazing!! (I cant compete with a spinning dick head and “pearls” WTF??)  But no matter what these fake penises can do, they are STILL in the shape of a dick. Which means that if a woman could just find the right dick, this dildo would be collecting dust. Because every woman knows there’s nothing like the real thing. Even most lesbian couples use a fake dick of some sort (DON’T get me started on THAT hypocrisy. I mean you either like dick or you don’t…what the fuck?)

I would like to add something…personal.
Now I’ve never had complaints about the size of my dick. Not once. But I’m an avid watcher of porn, so I know what a big dick is…you guys out there with these MONSTERS?  YOU ASSHOLES are some of the WORST OFFENDERS when it comes to not satisfying women!! And it used to boggle my MIND, how god blessed you with the tools and you don’t use them to their utmost 😦
But women once again, have schooled me on the problem..
Guys with monster dicks NEVER have to WORK.
For them, once they put their dicks in, it’s usually so shocking for a woman that the woman doesn’t know if she is feeling major pleasure or major pain…its just right there in the middle. Meanwhile the dude just keeps pounding dick in her. (If you’re a woman and this is turning you on then you need to calm down dammit. I’m trying to run a blog here:)  A guy like this goes through his share of women and he hears the yells and screams of pain and pleasure and feels that he just needs to keep doing what he’s been doing. His game never rises.
Meanwhile a guy who isn’t a monster, with a nice size has a COMPLETELY different life. We could POSSIBLY hear “you ain’t shit“, so that FEAR makes us try to find a woman’s spot every chance we get. We have to WORK for our money dammit!
Sometimes we run into a woman who tells us during conversation that she likes big dicks…what are WE are nice size dudes gonna do when its time to get down? We gotta do the job with the tools we have. When it comes to penis size it is quality over quantity. EVERY woman I’ve spoken to has agreed. So to you big dick monsters out there? I just want y’all to know that I’ve ran into a few of your ladies and….I BEAT YAH!!! Hard work pays off suckers!!

IDEALLY, I think that women should be down to TEACH a dude if he has the tools and if he is a decent guy. I mean I KNOW the lack of experience is a turnoff, but you learn by doing, so teach him how to DO you. Personally I’m tired of women REQUIRING an experienced guy. I mean if a woman sucks dick REALLY good, how the hell do you think she got that way?  Is she a HO or is she simply experienced?  So the way I see it, teaching a decent person, who happens to be well endowed, is a good situation. You guys can explore together.
LOOK, I know the last thing a woman or  a man wants to do is to settle…But this is life, YOU tell ME a situation where we get 100 percent of your desire and I will tell you that you got LUCKY AS HELL. Because normally you take the good with the bad, weigh that, and make a decision if you’re gonna go forward or not.

Chances are there is this decent guy, nice looking, who likes you, but you put him in the friend zone because he is missing that EXPERIENCE or SWAGGER and he could not only have the tools, but he would be willing to use his tool on you and only you.
Monster dicks aren’t exclusive. Guys with big dicks KNOW they have big dicks because EVERY woman has told them. They have slayed many women and will slay more 🙂

Good size dicks can be all you need sexually and if attached to the right guy, could allow you to let go enough to have maybe the best lovemaking you’ve ever had. Sure you’ll be whipped afterwards 🙂 but you’ll be whipped with the right MAN and not a DICK.

There’s plenty of dicks out there ladies….I aint bullshittin’ when I say “It’s your call when it comes to who you let inside of you.”

T.F.

Women…women…..women… Part 3 “She hate me”

{Writers note: This is my third entry in a blog series that will end only when I have nothing more to contribute. I don’t know when that will be…I mean I truly don’t…but I intend for it to be truthful…as truthful as I have ever known things to be in my own experiences. Names will be withheld in some case but they will not be replaced. That sort of bullshit screws of my writing flow.}

“Sometimes being a bitch is the only thing a woman has left to hold onto”  Delores Claiborne.

Always loved that line..it spoke to me..don’t ask me why. I love movies 🙂

There’s stages to every breakup and you gotta go through em. If it was a deep relationship, and you guys ended on rather shitty terms, then you both COULD walk away seeing the worst of each other. Sometimes an argument, other times just finding yourself alone noticing how quiet the place is after they’re gone

Now THAT is an AWFUL SOLITUDE.. Man I know about that shit. It comes from allowing people to leave as opposed to standing in front of the door.

But  exactly what do you do?

You’re torn between “not keeping someone who doesn’t want to be kept” and “I love you, please don’t go, we can work this out” You sorta feel that the person should KNOW what they have in you, and if they do and they are still willing to leave YOU then WHY exactly should you fight to keep them?

Why INDEED.   Message right there.

Sometimes you can even like someone so much, that they don’t like YOU anymore.

In my opinion you’re LUCKY if you get the argument, at least you’re angry enough to not care for an hour or two 🙂

Since these blog posts are my personal experiences jotted for all to see…I’m thinking of the women I’ve known or lost and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. Today I find myself thinking about BITCHES…the thing many women turn into after a messy break up. There was a time when I couldn’t understand WHY a woman would be that way…that’s no longer the case.
Let’s go back..

When the subject of bitches is on the table my daughter’s mother comes to mind…I mean she turned into full bitch mode once I broke up with her. For years she spoke nasty toward me (unless she needed some money or dick) and kept me from seeing my daughter any chance she got. In the end, all that “bitch shit” stopped and I even got custody of my daughter….

So what exactly was “bitch mode” for? In this case, it was vengeance.

Even when I would part ways amicably with a woman, I ran into bitch mode.  And when I thought that maybe the one who loved you the most would be the worst bitch later on…I was shown how wrong I was by another woman. So there’s no real rule for bitch mode.

My questions to myself were ” how do you do it?”  I mean unless someone did some terrible shit to you, “how do you hate someone you used to love?”  “How could you be so mean to someone IF you guys parted on cool terms?”

Is your anger over the break up itself or what was lost due to it? Some women I’ve seen hate that they ever loved a particular man in the first place. So when they break up they go full bitch mode.
Some women hate the fact that despite how cool a guy was to them, he just wasn’t that into him and that makes a woman feel like LESS… it really fucks with their self esteem…so she turns into a bitch toward him. Other women still love you, but they hate that you didn’t love them enough to stay despite their craziness…so instead of looking at themselves, they blame you, so you get bitch mode(but these women will still make love to you if you want to. Its actually pretty intense lovemaking as i recall 🙂

Very complicated beings are women. But men can be spiteful as well. VERY spiteful.

But the thing is, its all a stage…and you gotta go through it. But keep in mind that the guy you HATED may turn out to be a better friend than the enemy you made him out to be. And perhaps you two broke up because you didn’t know enough about each other in the first place.

And who knows? Maybe you guys will get back together because you’re both fucked up enough for each other and no one else 🙂 I’ve seen it happen.

Nowadays i no longer question a woman turning to bitch mode. I’ve settled into a reason i believe with all my heart. I believe the MAIN reason a woman turns into a bitch is because they let a man IN,  And it DIDN’T work out for whatever reason. You invest your heart, time and secrets INTO someone else and they seem to TAKE these things with them when they are gone. If I were a woman….and I REALLY think about this a LOT…how do you move on to another man after having shared passion and experiences with someone before?

I mean look, I’m a guy, a man is physically, chemically, designed to be able to have multiple women. But THAT doesn’t mean we don’t FEEL pain and loneliness.
A woman? all they seem to DO is feel emotion, so it has to be 100 times worse…so I just don’t know how y’all do it. Its NOT the same way we do it because a woman can’t just have men inside her and then leaving her. Every man inside of you TAKES something when he leaves.

You can’t get that shit back.

You THINK you can. ..But you CAN’T. Because every man is different, every experience with another man is unique whether its great or shitty.

I thought of these things…and completely understood WHY and HOW a woman can go into bitch mode.
Because women love hard. And if you cut a woman deep enough you  bring the WORST out of her…out of a human being.
Its a pain that no one has an instructional manual for. And a woman doesn’t know how to react , except by going ultra defensive.

Trippy shit.

Sooner or later, you forgive, or you DO move on and find someone else…or the same person from before….

But that bitch is always under the surface..waiting…..it may not be fair to the next man…but its a demon WE (both) gotta come to terms with.

T.F.

Women……Women… Women.. Part 7 “Only YOU can save YOUrself” AKA: “This needs to be said..”

{Writers note:This is my seventh entry in a blog series that will end only when I have nothing more to contribute. I don’t know when that will be…I mean I truly don’t…but I intend for it to be truthful…as truthful as I have ever known things to be in my own experiences. Names will be withheld in some case but they will not be replaced. That sort of bullshit screws of my writing flow. I AM however taking a break after this one, but i will return with the ninth entry}

” All men care about is pussy. They don’t care about how they treat us”

MAYBE some men are life’s way of telling you that it is YOU who should care about yourself 🙂

Men get a bad rap with their penchant for wanting to have sex with numerous women. The reality is, its something we are genetically supposed to do. Men are designed to have an URGE  procreate. In the law of nature, every man should get a woman pregnant every time he has sex with her. BUT as human beings with common sense above nature (sometimes) we use condoms and or “pull out” before we cum.  Women can’t understand a man’s sexual urge, simply because they don’t have a set of balls and a dick. Women have NO IDEA what it feels like when a man is horny, regardless of that fact, women always lament about how men just want sex.

Life is full of ups an downs, ebbs and flows..how we are one day, will not be how we are a week from now. Men change just like women (men just take years, while women change up on you every month!) So take heart women, there will be a point in every mans life where he is ready to chill with a wifey. The problem is that women want this to happen a LOT faster than its biologically possible for a man. In this mans opinion, most men aren’t ready for a relationship until they are in their late 40’s. I’m dead serious. late 40’s isn’t old at all, but it IS old if you’re a woman looking for a family.

There are some decent men out there that are a bit younger but you have to find them…or if the gods are kind, they will find you…but you have to be ready to spot them or receive them. You have to be of the proper mindset.

And a LOT of women just aren’t ready for the man of their dreams.

Let’s say you just dealt with a loser. You guys have history, been with him for a number of years and all but you’re done now. Like most women, you take some time to regroup and heal mentally. You don’t have a taste for sex for a little bit. This is all part of the recovery process from being SAD. That’s OK and more women should admit that fact to themselves. Loser or not, you are sad it ended the way it did or sad that you let it last as long as it did.

So time goes on..let’s say 3 months tops. If you’re a normal woman, you are kinda tired of the sexual hiatus. So you go out on a date and like what you see and hear from a guy…aannnnnnd…
70 percent of women have sex within 3 months of knowing a NEW guy. (And that’s only ONE poll! Others show it to be higher) and yall KNOW that within three months means within 6 weeks  goddammit!!
You spent 3 months healing and LESS than three months before you had sex again.
Now, you COULD say “I waited 3 months”  (haw haw) and I would say “that’s cool. Hope you took the time to learn some thangs about yourself and the last dude” but if a brand new guy can get the ass within 3 months, I don’t think you learned too much.

Or maybe PAIN isn’t what it used to be for women. I mean it CAN’T be any different because women still make people like Steve Harvey and Michael Baisden RICH.

Women STILL want to figure out men.

Allow me to retort women: MEN are SIMPLE. Women should devote MORE time to figuring out their  OWN COMPLEX ASSES! 🙂

And the only way for a woman to do that is to look at herself. Seriously…look at YOURSELF.
Look here, You can go out into this world and fake out EVERY person you come in contact with..but when you’re home and you look in that mirror, you better recognize the real. Because if you can’t..then you are a lost soul. And lost souls get led astray or consumed by stronger ones.
Hope y’all feel me on that.

Are you ready to receive a decent man? I mean are you at the point where you can ADD to HIS life? Or are you some woman who is just going to need help all the time? Everyone needs help sometime, but ALL the time, and with the same problem? No decent man wants to get involved with that. Decent men usually want decent women. An UPGRADE over the women they usually run into. Are you ready to add to a mans life? Or do you need HELP with your own numerous problems?

Are you a woman who says she needs love, respect, attention, care, understanding, passion, security among other things???

Yet you find yourself fucking someone who only gives you two of those things at MOST? Then you aren’t ready for someone decent.

UNLESS you just don’t know any better than the losers or men who have hit it and only call when they want to fuck you…you have no real excuse as a woman to continue to deal with men like that.
Supposedly, when you have had a LOVE just ONE time, its supposed to change you and your outlook for the rest of your life. Because you know its out there, you know what it is, you remember what it felt like and anything LESS is WORTHLESS. But if you simply have no patience..or just need some dick during a dry spell…then who am I to judge you? No one can.
But I seem to recall many women wanting MORE than that little bit of dick ( or chunk of dick..depending on penis size) so are you ready for love? Or are you happy getting dick on occasion and doing you? Because if you complain about finding a good man one minute and the next minute go get fucked, then you need to get off the confusion train and get on the REAL train.

Ladies, its not that MEN will TAKE what they want. ANYONE, man or woman, will take what you are willing to give for free. (Its human nature to like free stuff!)

However many women give up parts of themselves that should be worth so much to them. The reason many women do this is basically because they don’t realize how precious they are. Many women suffer from low self esteem, they just don’t admit it, but their actions show it in every way : Downing themselves, thinking everyone is staring at a a flaw on them, doubting themselves in every little decision,not just important ones…these are TURNOFFS to a decent man. Because just like a woman, a man LOVES CONFIDENCE. A decent man loves a secure lady. You don’t have to be rich or successful, you can be an everyday woman and be a great catch.

I’m going to use this example, mainly because its hard to find a woman without kids nowadays 🙂 AND Ive experience on both sides of the spectrum in this situation:  if you’re a woman with kids who finds a way to make it work even though you have little help, that is IMPRESSIVE. A man looks at that and thinks that this woman is super. It isn’t easy being a mom, but to be a mom and hold down a job or biz of any sort is super duper. It makes a man WANT to help you out any way he can, because you didn’t ask him to.
And if you’re a secure woman, secure within HERSELF.. you won’t look at his help like a handout or pity gesture.
There are many single mothers out there…are you secure within yourself?
Or are you waiting for someone to help you? Your children are YOUR children. Chances are they have a father somewhere. It IS true that you and your baby or babies are a package deal for any man…but he should NEVER have to to feel like he MUST be responsible for your kids… A real decent man will TAKE the responsibility. Willingly.

That’s how my dad was with me 🙂 so I know.

Its not easy being a single woman..LOOKING for companionship, while sex is around every corner… but the problem is LOOKING for it. I may not know everyone on earth but EVERY person i know who LOOKED for love? found themselves with someone they were just putting up with. They just all settled because they just got tired of waiting. The HARDEST thing to understand and accept about good things are that they come from no where. Sometimes you put yourself in a situation to get good things but that isn’t a guarantee of getting anything. If a bad person can be found in church, a supposed sanctuary, then there really isn’t any “good place” to find a good man or woman.

Which means its just luck and being at the right place.

OR you can do what i did…dont look at all. fuck it. work on yourself. And one day a person comes along who feels that you’re worth the headache 🙂 Ive had good women and i just turned them down…but the fact remains they are good women and they are out there. So are good men. But how are you going to keep the Right man when you aren’t Right within? And also, if you’re a god fearing church going woman, then I’m sure you know and believe that “God helps those who help themselves”.. even GOD himself WANTS you to help YOUrself, so exactly what in the HELL are you looking for a MAN to help you with?? 

Come on now!

I believe that the reason i attracted decent women is because i made no apologies for who i was, but i was the FIRST person to admit i have faults and i KNEW my faults. Some things i was willing to change, while other things it just didn’t feel like changing 🙂 but that’s ME and that’s who i am. Decent people are attracted to honesty, because its the character of a decent person. I CAN say “I’M SORRY” and mean it. Because there are parts of me that aren’t perfect and can hurt people who don’t deserve it. However you DON’T want to keep having to apologize. You gotta either FIX that shit about you or stay away from people you will end up hurting. (FUCKING MESSAGE!!!)

In the end, it all boils down to looking in the goddamned mirror. Not an actual mirror, but  turning your minds eye inward to look at your own mind and maybe even cry a bit…touching your soul. Its okay. Chances are that you need this..in order to endure and be closer to happiness, you have to do it at some point and when you do, you wont worry about someone else completing you, because you will be fine with yourself….and when you are TRULY fine with yourself…and i mean TRULY and not ACTING…someone will find you.

Maybe its the radiance an enlightened person has..

Maybe its the fact that you no longer care and are happy within yourself..

Or maybe its that life rule that says “What you try to grab the most, slips through your fingers”.

But what i say works, as long as you are true to yourself. Get RIGHT with who you are…don’t worry about no one else…get right with who you are and don’t stop until you are happy with who you are. YOU are TOO important to fail yourself.

T.F.

Women of the world, you have my undying love. I mean that. To my Mom, thank you for dreaming of me giving birth to me. I’m here woman 🙂 Thank you DAD!!

T.F.


Women…..women….women…. Part 2 “If actions can be fake too, then what the hell????”

{Writers note:This is my second entry in a blog series that will end only when I have nothing more to contribute. I don’t know when that will be…I mean I truly don’t…but I intend for it to be truthful…as truthful as I have ever known things to be in my own experiences. Names will be withheld in some case but they will not be replaced. That sort of bullshit screws of my writing flow.}

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You’ve met this cool guy…handsome, nice teeth, can put together a sentence…etc. He asks you out on a date and you accept. The date is cool, I mean he says and does all the right things…then it dawns on you : another ex, who just happens to be an asshole, was the same way before he got what he wanted.

How can you tell if a guy is the person he claims to be?

Its isn’t easy….I mean it REALLY isn’t easy…mainly because many women tend to want to forget the mistakes they made.

Silly thinking.

Don’t you realize that making mistakes is how we got here as a human race?

So even though you don’t want to be a “Bag Lady” (a woman with a mental Rolodex of every man who fucked and left her. Thus affecting her mind to the point of paranoia)  you should ABSOLUTELY review your mistakes..and believe me..it HURTS.

However, the knowledge gained will be worth all the pain in the doing 🙂

Say you always seem to attract bad guys. Shouldn’t you be the AUTHORITY on what a bad guy looks like? The reason you’re not is because you don’t take the time to think about the last asshole you had..and the one before that and so on. If you did that then there are certain signs you would know for the future.

You are supposed to go through pain/mistakes in life in order to GAIN knowledge. If you erase the mistakes or act like they never happened then you cheat yourself. You end up being dumber because of that. As a man, I know that nine times out of ten, a woman who deals with bad boys or DICKS is someone who tends to like certain qualities that each one of those men possessed. It could be great body,bad boy swagger, a quick temper…different signs that a woman like that is into. The minute that woman EVOLVES AWAY from letting those things be the end all be all, then she will be on the way to getting a decent guy.

Some women don’t want a decent guy though..I just want to put that out there. I know 2 women who LIKE dogs, because there is no commitment. Usually these are some cold-hearted women (Well not TRULY. They just have a soft spot for a tiny percentage of men..like 1percent of men. Borderline lesbo)

So when the question of “how can I tell if a guy is just trying to fuck me?” Is asked to me, the above explanation is what they get and then I ask them what do THEY think the signs are. If they have no idea, even though they have dated many losers..I know I’m dealing with someone who needs to look within and face those past dudes.

But I will give a lady a couple of tips…I mean if women get better than so do men because they would have to step up their game..and the world itself changes maybe for the better.

1.
Unique men give unique conversation. They don’t tend to toot their own horn, but what they WILL do is give you VERY different convo than what you’re used to. If you are with a man who talks about material things that he has or wants, or that he wants to give you, then in MY opinion, dude is buttering you up.

(Just thought about a bagel..gonna use this post to remind myself: get bagels from the store. Be sure to erase this and DON’T forget like last time!)-writers note: D’OH!

Be wary though: the strong silent type is no good either.
Sex should not come into the convo and many men throw out feelers. Its too early for that. He should want to know YOU, not how your pussy is doing.
Bottom line is that convo should be equal and INTERESTING. He should be interested in you and vice versa but you guys should talk abut subjects that don’t lead to the bedroom. A conversation gives you a chance to LEARN a new human being who COULD be around for a long time. Why not talk about some IMPORTANT subjects? Really see who you’re dealing with. I ALWAYS like to talk about world subjects. Even if the person doesnt know what’s going on in china, then see if they at least have an opinion or thought about things outside their own little world. If you yourself are not worldly, ask about a difficult situation you know about or maybe one of your own and see what he thinks. And don’t accept that “I don’t have an opinion cuz I don’t know about it” everyone has an opinion, if he is afraid to speak it, then he may be too worried about turning you off, which isn’t good because you should want him to be who he is for real. Not some guy putting on his best face to keep from angering you.

2.
Do NOT be a woman who tells a man how to get in. This is Sooooooooooooooo text book and every woman falls into the trap. The problem is that women want the date to work WHEN they are out with a guy they are physically attracted to. So a woman will tell him all her likes and dislikes and turn ons and offs…as a man, all I gotta do is take notes..you are telling me how to get the ass. Its not the guy’s fault..its your own..because you want this guy to be the one SO bad.
LET. HIM. GET . TO . KNOW. YOU.
Aren’t you WORTH the time? But if you have no patience..then you will never get shit.
I’ve been on TONS of dates and women just can’t help themselves if they find you attractive…it saddens me in all honesty. We could talk about ANYTHING…and you chose to give me the 40 minute “this is ME” speech. Never realizing that if you cut that speech to just 15 minutes and break that 15 minutes up into little pieces during convo about OTHER things, you would be tons more interesting to guys.

3.
Speaking of patience..lack of sex can get you caught too. The answer is “the fuck buddy” . I educated a couple of The ladies on my facebook group about this.

This is a guy who is cool as hell, but he doesn’t want anything more than sex from you. And YOU know that he will NEVER be more than sex to you. You can have a history with this guy or maybe just have fucked him a few times and liked it. Bottom line is you know that in a pinch, he can get you off and not make you feel like shit afterwards.
As long as you have this buddy, then you can go out on dates and not have to FEEL like THIS HAS TO WORK. Because when you don’t get any sex for a while, you will jump on somebody that you shouldn’t have jumped on. So the fuck buddy keeps a date honest and fun. With no preconceived notions. NEVER go on a date horny.
You will give it up to a LOSER.

4
Observe. Always. Watch his eyes when he talks..his hands..listen to how he speaks.. all are very important. A REAL man is not intimidated by a strong woman. I myself have always dug when a woman asked me a ton of questions on a date..its cool cuz I’m an open book and it usually opens the door for great convo which is what a date should be predicated on in my opinion. You date to SOCIALIZE. NOT to find a man. Stop being on the goddamn hunt all the time. Learn to ENJOY someones company. IF its enjoyable:)

When you come into a situation/conversation with ultimatums of “well I need this from a man” “I’m not getting younger and tired of wasting my time” all a man does is sees that you have no patience and if he does what you tell him..he will get to fuck you…and when he is done or bored with fucking you, he will DUMP your ass just like the last dude…because he got what he wanted.

Was that real talk too real? I Was channeling my mom for a second 🙂

5.

The cell phone. Unless he has kids, the phone should be on special ring or vibrate. From decent man to player, any man should know that on a date its about the two of you. its your special time. Even if you’re already boyfriend and girlfriend, that phone should not be a distraction. if it is, then if you allow him into your life, you will learn to hate that phone and be more than a little curious as to why it always rings. i may have dated a lot of women, but my phone was never ringing off the hook. because the ones i KEPT in my phone were not CRAZY women who called me at all hours. You can tell a lot about a man by the company he keeps and the women he is into.

That’s my main things off the top of my head…man talk to woman. But none of it means shit if you don’t do it. Just understand that. TRY it. See where it gets you. Dating can be so INTERESTING..no one said you have to even think about anything else but the date. But so many women want what they want so bad, that they lose out and wind up losing a bit of themselves dealing with loser after loser.

We all make mistakes..its okay..please learn from them…
And get a “Fuck Buddy”!!

🙂

T.F.