Women…women…women.. Part 1 “At least I didn’t bullshit you”

{Writers note:This is my first entry in a blog series that will end only when I have nothing more to contribute. I don’t know when that will be…I mean I truly don’t…but I intend for it to be truthful…as truthful as I have ever known things to be in my own experiences. Names will be withheld in some case but they will not be replaced. That sort of bullshit screws of my writing flow.}

I think a lot of who we are comes from our parents. I think its the singular reason they are called “role models”. A father, is the first example of a MAN that young girl has. While a mother is the first example of a WOMAN for a young boy.

I like to consider myself a simple guy…seriously… its the way my mother is. She doesn’t need much. A good day for her is not dying in her sleep, having a good cup of tea and taking a good shit.
I’m the same way.

My mother is also one of the REALEST (not a word) people you will ever meet. Brutally truthful but never a “truth brutalist” (one who beats another over the head with truth. Who destroys you with it. No mercy)

I am the same way.

As a man, I would like to speak about how being a truthful person has affected my relationships with women.

I used to work at a club in Brooklyn. Working at a club allows you to observe what works and what doesn’t when it comes to the art of conversation. Every Friday and Saturday night I got a chance to hear some truly LAME and tired-assed lines from men trying to get pussy. At first, it was pretty entertaining because you’re watching the beginning of a situation….maybe even a long term situation(usually not)
However, as time went on, I started getting disgusted by it for ONE reason: women were falling for what I knew to be bullshit. And why was it bullshit? Because a lot of men were club regulars. Every week they would try to bag a different woman. I remember one situation where the guy came with his chick and left her on one side of the club, just to talk to a new chick on the other side of the club. You think that’s pretty daring don’t you? Its really not. Your steady is naturally going to stay where you left her. She trusts you, she is loyal…because she likes you.
To USE that trust for your own benefit is not daring at all…..its just some common shit bullshitters do to decent people.

After seeing that, I was done. I started just coming to work to do my job..no need for further observation. Many men are bullshitters and women listen to it. That’s what I walked away with.
The problem is I CARED.
So not one to bullshit myself, I vowed that no matter what, the GAME I ran on women would be TRUTH. From top to bottom..how pretty I thought you looked, how long I was watching you, even how nervous I was to approach you…all truth and never the same thing twice because every woman made me feel different.
And you know what? It worked. A LOT. I found that there were quite a few women who appreciated honesty and even though those special women didn’t notice it, THEY gave me HOPE when it came to women. Because I really thought women just wanted to be lied to. I had seen bullshit lines work too many times to think other wise.

Nothing is ever ALL good, and this entry is no different.

The truth is thatI have lost a few good women being honest.
Women I love.

Its kind of trippy when I think about it..trippy and sad as all hell. see, if you’re someone a woman cares about, she is going to want to go further with you. Its natural when you feel you’ve found someone who you vibe with..someone who GETS you like no one else. What has to hurt is when that person doesn’t want to go further. For WHATEVER reason.
Five women come to mind. All shall remain nameless but each one knows exactly who they are because we are all still friends and they know how I feel about them.

As I said, these were all good women, but the truth  is that the more I feel that a relationship is forced….or that it HAS to be categorized as something..the less I like it. And that’s ME. Somehow I got my mom’s “HIPPIE” mentality (FREE LOVE!). I’ve always felt that we should love and be with each other as long as we want to. Rules? Need not be spoken about. ANY woman I was with as a steady was the only woman I dealt with. Not because rules were set in place, but because I WANTED to. Because at heart, I’m not greedy and having a stash of women or a phone full of women’s numbers is not something I EVER thought was cool. Any woman I was steady with, I told them the truth if they asked if I were dealing with someone else.
Any steady I had, we hung out and talked all the time. That’s who I am. I enjoy the company of someone I dig.

And its only natural for a woman to love someone who treats her and shows her she is the only one.
You ask “Why can’t you commit?”
Hell, I thought I was!!

But I found women need to know, they need to hear it..no less than a man does…everyone at some point wants to know where they stand.
So me, not one to bullshit a woman..I would tell them who i am. What we have now? Is what it may be for a very long time. I take relationships day by day, I don’t plan for a future because people change.
I’m not a fan of titles…I like to let things be what they are. My actions speak of respect, honor, care, even love…so why ever would you need words from me? Any man can tell you what you want to hear and even act it out…but me? I never spoke on what I would do for you..there was never anything more than being who I am and doing what I do…you either liked it or you didn’t. It was FREE.

I just couldn’t understand why someone would want to rock the boat in all honesty. But women have their reasons… In one case, it was her friends telling her shit, in another case the woman wanted to take things to another level…
In either case, I wasn’t ready.

In EVERY case it seemed that the person I am was good, but not good enough anymore.
See that’s the thing some women don’t realize: men have doubts too. The BEST of us, look at OURSELVES, especially when we keep running into the same situation time and again…just like a woman who seems to always end up with assholes. I looked at myself and saw that I’m a unique person when it comes to relationships. In some ways I’m old school, while in other ways I’m ahead of my time. Case in point: I’ve told women for years that marriage is in the heart, not in the clothes and the ceremony. They didn’t get me THEN, but more women are foregoing marriage NOW. Little by little, but its happening. Women see that marriage holds NO ONE. If a man wants to stay, then he will stay. Ring or no ring. No man should be dragged down the aisle 🙂 he should want to go with a glad heart.
And the truth is, most men aren’t like that, and women, who are affected a LOT by men (and vice-versa) are changing to that tune. More women are progressive and do things for self..my mother was progressive before it became the thing to do. She planned on not having a husband, she just wanted a son and a job and a roof over her head and she was determined to get it….and she GOT that shit. My step dad had to beg her and hound her to be with and marry him. Ironically, my mother and I share that exact mindset and personal experience.

In then end, it wasn’t commitment I was scared of, because I’ve been in enough relationships, I just don’t think you should put the love two people have in some sort of box. Categorize it…define “What this is”…
Its US woman. Why does it have to be more than that? But the truth is, many women need that definition. And I say if the actions don’t show love, then it isn’t what you want and you should bounce. Women had a problem with me because my actions and occasional words showed deep relationship and it WAS TO ME, but they simply wanted more than I could give them. That’s the best way to say it…or understand it.

I’m just a different dude when it comes to relationship dynamics..or maybe I’m fucked up? I don’t think I am, but if you do, you’re entitled.

The FACT that I could have lied to these woman NEVER escapes me when I think about my past.

I mean I HAD them.

And they had ME.

Shit was deep.

It takes a different kind of individual to keep it real when you stand to LOSE someone you really care about. I even did it with my wife.

How I do it? Well, I don’t know how else to be. I love and respect women. I’ve watched them get lied to and subsequently FUCKED OVER tons of times. I’ve got uncles who were some womanizers but those same men taught me a LOT about women.  And women taught me even more. I’m not some nice guy or some shit, I just don’t like to bullshit a woman or man. So that’s how I can do it, even though lying would keep the other person around.

I’m still good friends with the women I’ve had long term relationships with. Those are my past loves. a few have met my mom and everything…again, I show you I care…I suppose its just not enough at some point…
I suppose…

I remember having lunch with an ex and I asked her: why are we still friends after all these years?

She said “you’re honest. And that shit is really hard to find T. “

It made me feel so good to hear that. It didn’t validate the sadness I gave to the women I love…but it made me feel OK about who I am and that is so important.

Another one of my exes told me that she was sorry she gave me an ultimatum (bad idea) because its been downhill ever since. She said she was just listening to her girlfriends at the time ,when in reality, she was just enjoying the ride we were taking together. She realized that we never had stress until she stressed things. Her story didn’t make me happy in the LEAST. I take joy in knowing those I love are in good spaces not bad ones.

Another just broke up with her long time boyfriend. I invited her and her son over to the house with my wife and daughter..break ups are tough shit..tougher if you don’t have someone to talk to who you know cares about you.

Currently…I find myself reminiscing on a lot of things…you do that when you have the time that I do 🙂 but reflection is time well spent as long as you chose not to live in the past…or bring the past to the present.

To the women that I have hurt by being who I am…I should make no apologies for being the man I am..but I cannot help but to feel sorry just the same. Was I best left alone? No. I’m not a terrible person…you can certainly do worse!
But maybe I taught women about what they want. How they want to be treated..how they SHOULD be treated…not just when to leave 😦
I mean its best to have had some REAL shit once in your life, instead of BULL shit. This way if you got back to bullshit then that’s on YOU. No boo hoo’ing to your friends.

I’ve said this so many times: Let me be ME and you be YOU. Why bullshit one another?

Some women got it, but MANY women didn’t.
The women that got it, they are seared in my heart..NEVER forgotten and always reflected on with LOVE and equal PAIN.

The women that didn’t? They probably looking for god.

T.F.

“Unique Some Body”

 

My EYES? Singular, unique to me, so I can only assess my own version of reality.

My actions, my OWN, so you can push, pull, FORCE…but I in ANY situation, it is I who CHOSES to move. Again, regardless of the circumstance. Over-stand this.

My VOICE? DEEP…are the words…INSPIRATIONAL is the measure of diction. The WEAK are given strength, the IGNORANT are educated just a little more….the STRONG are assured that they are NOT alone.

If my voice and my words are my legacy, Do NOT edit ME. LET THE WORDS BE SAID.

My HEART…beats…to its own rhythm. It scares me at times. Just when I am used to it, it switches…from slow to fast….fast to slow….my heart….my love…it TOUCHES me, it TEASES me….my heart….I LOVE. (N & M)

My HANDS….are fast, fast to touch, to take….always willing and able to get some dirt in their nails. Unlike many, when I wash MY hands, they look clean to me. My hands have no blood on them…my hands have never begged…my hands owe no one any money or payment of any kind….my hands are unshackled…they are free. When I touch, others feel me….when I pray….clasping my hands together….I feel MYSELF. I Hum to my energy….I feel my pulse….the movement and energy of my own blood. When I touch myself, I feel life…and thus I thank god for another day.

My EARS…oh god…I miss how they used to hear so much…now they hear even less. I’ve abused them by listening to so much NOISE throughout the years. Now I am more selective, instead of noise, I listen to what moves me to another level of thought…no longer do I listen to what simply gets me to the next moment. Suffice to say, I used to hear, I used to listen…now I become ONE with the energy of sound that bathes me.

Now I become one with things higher than myself.

My hearing is refined…and so too is my understanding.

My FEET look good, considering the miles I’ve put on them. A blessing no doubt. I’ve always been one to walk instead of run. The best way to learn where you are is by walking….driving is too fast…walking allows me to feel the ground under my feet.

To the heat of beaches, the pavement of the city….even the paths of sorrow and despair…my feet move. God thank you for my feet.

My BODY as a whole, is not what it was, I heal slower, there are more aches and pains….the infirmities we are cursed with since spitting in the face of god. These same pains allow me to appreciate the pleasure of relaxation. So I relax whenever possible. I love my body, I have taken care of it and gambled with it on many a day…used it to attract and pleasure many a woman….used it to complete many a task…used it to whip many an ass.

What can I say? I’m a natural.

Born to be a unique somebody.

In a world of uniformity, I pride myself on being an anomaly.

A unique somebody.

T.F.

Mental Freestylin’… “It is what it is..but not what it could be”

To study the mistakes of history means your moves will be smarter presently.
In order to see the FUTURE, one must observe the present

a spirited opponent will have many moves designed to win, where as an opponent lacking spirit will have a limited move set….
a limited IMAGINATION.
… Dreams and nightmares, 2 sides of the same sleeping mind.
as I watch, i see that the majority of people dream of things base…ORDINARY.
Money, safety, stability..
MONEY goes from hand to hand….
there is no such thing as SAFETY unless you cannot be touched…
and there is no true STABILITY on a planet that revolves daily upon its axis.

Where are the fantastic dreamers? where are MY people? Who among us dreams of the FANTASTIC? who sees that the nightmare is this MUNDANE world we have built for ourselves? a world full of such promise from man and deprived of promise by the very same

I am left to observe SQUARES because I do not fit…I am well ROUNDED you see.
I observe weaker people because i am stronger than they are at any given moment. Theirs is Weakness I simply cannot relate to. Although my maturity allows me to understand and sympathize with it.

Observe the present and one begins to see the future take shape…
which is unfortunate since the future is a MUTABLE thing…
A moment among MANY moments..
Understand I should not be able to EVER see the future. Every person “blessed” with prophecy will tell you that it is anything but a blessing.

I am afraid I know the feeling.

I will end this abruptly because there is nothing left but…….HOPE.

T.F.

My unique thoughts of 9/11/2001…I’m sure you have your own..

They say everyone has a story for 9/11, I mean I guess I have some, but I rather give it to you this way, in a multitude of reflections, only because there was so much…..

I remember the day like it was yesterday, but since I wasn’t far from the site of the attacks, that sort of makes sense. If you happened to be around Rector street, which is where I was (just taking a stroll to be honest. I was going to visit my old job) you got the full impact of everything. Now I wasn’t there when the planes crashed initially. I actually came after the fact, just to see the damage. It was my friend at my old job that called me frantically, telling me that there were bits of body parts in the street. He took pictures of the charred remains…they just looked like meat. Now, Rector street is on the corner of the world trade center and Battery park city (a complex of high-priced apartments) are across the street. The remains of passengers reached Rector street AND battery park city. YEARS later when I was working on an underground cable at Battery Park City, we had to stop work because of human remains.

My friend, the one who called me, I remember him telling me that ANOTHER plane crashed and he asked me what he should do, because he was alone in the store that day. I told him to “get the fuck out of there. One plane is a terrible mistake, 2 planes are an attack” I said exactly that. As for WHY I said it…I just thought about Pearl Harbor, and how it just seemed eerily similar…but I didn’t know about the passengers on the plane.

And THAT separated it from Pearl Harbor right there….

I think about the people jumping to their deaths, and those who tried to climb down the walls of the world trade center, I think of how months before that day, I used to wonder if a man could climb those walls. I only thought about this because there’s this French dude who climbs the tallest buildings he can and he does it free hand, not ropes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alain_Robert

Usually he is arrested the moment he reaches the top 🙂 but I wondered one day if he could climb those walls, because you just had no hand-holds on that building…

I think about how many people were in that building…before that day, me and the boys would hang around the world trade at lunch time, have some food and watch the fine ass ladies come out that building by the TONS 🙂 I remember telling the guys how I couldn’t afford to date those chicks making the 12 bux and hour I was making at my old job. I also thought how I couldn’t even afford the expensive restaurant inside the world trade..i think it was called “windows of the world”… not sure though..

I remember the first attempt to bomb the building, it was a UPS truck with a bomb, but it couldn’t do the job and I REMEMBER telling somebody that there would be another attempt, because unless you catch the people responsible, they will try again. Simply because a determined man does not know how to swallow failure…

Imagine, a human being, exploding in front of you…That’s what some people witnessed.  These people were falling from two of the tallest buildings in the world. I think to myself….what does that even sound like? How in the FUCK do you see that and DEAL? I guess I would have to ask someone from Vietnam…I mean that’s the only person I can think of who could relate..

I remember days after the attack..maybe 2 days later, when the dust…ah man…that crazy dust was in the air..making EVERYTHING just so eerily peaceful. I mean if you knew about the area like I did, it was ALWAYS live. Busy, busy , busy…between the world trade center and Wall street, it was like another Times Square at lunch time.

But not after the attack. I wanted to see the damage for myself, so that day, I braved the chemicals that I knew were in the air, and I walked over to ground zero. You could only get so close, unless you knew somebody. Turns out the military security policeman was someone I knew from my stint in Japan 🙂  and wouldn’t you know it, I got past the cordon and saw the crater.

It was an AWESOME and POWERFUL crater to see. I mean fuck the cleaned up hole you see now, that aint SHIT. That’s just a clean toilet. You had to see the crater to appreciate how awesome those two buildings were….The crater looked like some sort of creature made it…or it was the hole to hell itself..It was the only time during the entire 9/11 occurrence when I exclaimed “my god”..There is not a single camera phone, or camera or video that can show you the immensity and power of that crater. You had to have been there to see it.

I think about the lies….There are many, especially if you want to come up with conspiracy theories. But I like to dwell on the real. And the lie on the top of my list was the government telling people that the air was SAFE. You would have to have been an IDIOT to believe that. I mean if you know ANYTHING about basic building materials, then you would know that any of that stuff is dangerous if it gets in your lungs. But here we were talking about pulverized glass, crystallized fiber glass, carcinogenic smoke MIXED with other known carcinogens, I mean there was still parts of a PLANE in there, the jet fuel alone was dangerous…like I said, you’d have to be an idiot to believe that the air was safe.

BUT you’d have to be a fucking piece of SHIT to LIE  about the air being safe. You would have to be a spineless, worthless, PIECE OF SHIT to declare the air was safe  KNOWING that it wasnt. And years later, I think of how many more people of the general populace would have had life changing respiratory problems if it wasn’t for the fact that fear kept them away from ground zero. years later  the Zadroga act was passed, giving limited health benefits to 9/11 responders, but its too little too late for those who have passed away. bureaucracy before human compassion.

The heroes of 9/11 are simply every fireman and cop who risked their lives..But if there are ANGELS, then they are those who were at ground zero, selflessly lending a hand, helping to gather the remains of those who were killed…even though MOST of them knew that they were going to die. Those people, and they were diverse…those were just ANGELS to me. just God’s best and brightest. And no, I wouldn’t have done it unless I was guaranteed safety. but im no angel 🙂

I remember the sudden patriotism of the country and I observed in my lifetime how nothing galvanized a society like a war…its almost like fucking up an anthill. NOW the ants are pissed and they want to sting you, they don’t even give a fuck about dying..they just want to sting you for fucking up their anthill 🙂 The patriotism turned into anger at one point, Muslims were being attacked here.

I remember  hours later after 9/11 , I went to the small store where I got my breakfast from. The owners were from Yemen and Islamic, I came to the store with four very angry guys and he was TERRIFIED. He looked as though we were going to rip him apart. I mean seriously, he looked just like that. His eyes were open and glazed, as if he was begging us not to kill him. I told him, that its going to be alright, stay calm, the guys here wont do anything to you. He just gave me a very nervous “okay” You have to understand, in HIS country, if the roles were reverse and HE was American, they would have torched his store….and tore him apart. In retrospect, I should have INSISTED on a free sandwich and candy bar. I always thought the candy bars were priced too high..but im not a bully  🙂

My Brooklyn people will remember this…Earlier I spoke about Battery Park city. Well they were always a bunch of arrogant folks who wouldn’t associate with common folk like me…until 9/11. The general feeling was that these attacks could happen again, now that the terrorist see how sensitive a target Manhattan is…Well, the snobs of battery park and most Manhattanites felt that the  black people of Brooklyn weren’t so scary anymore and THAT my friends, is when Brooklyn/bed stuy got the sudden influx of white people. BEFORE 9/11, Brooklyn was off-limits to most Manhattanites and well to do folk. I mean, Brooklyn was just not cool, it was dangerous, it was ghetto (unless of course it was the Brooklyn height area) besides, Brooklyn had no night life. our clubs were black and Latino, not white.  so Manhattanites had no reason to come to Brooklyn even to party. AFTER 9/11, the exorbitant rents of Manhattan…1800 for a one bedroom apartment…came right to Brooklyn. Many whites were priced in and many blacks were priced out. The greedy landlords were doing everything they could to price out elderly people, section 8 people or anyone else that wouldn’t be willing to pay this new rent. Fast forward to NOW, and the fight is still going on. The landlords are on the side of inevitability, they raise their rents every year, one way or another they will get their money and eventually, if your apartment is not rent stabilized (a trend that is near DEATH) you will run into rent you can no longer afford. However, Manhattanites with well-paying jobs have never had a problem paying 1800 dollars a month for rent, as far as their concerned it’s a bargain. The bargain used to be the fact that you’re already in the city and the commute is convenient, now the bargain is there is less chance of a bomb in Brooklyn. ANY price to feel safe. I’ve been a Brooklynite all my life and I gotta tell you…the people on the G-train look a hell of a lot different nowadays.  But in the end, where do you go if you’re priced out of your apartment?I left Brooklyn for that reason, if my rent is this high, I might as well pay a mortgage.. Which is why I own a house……

Over 4000 people died, but in reality, America has killed many people with bombs too. There are Indians who were killed establishing the country, slaves who died building this country….slaves who are still buried not far at all from ground zero..do your reading.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/African_Burial_Ground_National_Monument

I say this to point out that America is not a country of saints and we have a history as bloody as any other country. We forget that this world we live on IS spherical is shape and what we do on its surface WILL come back to us in the eventual. History does not repeat itself in actuality.. But it does have a tendency to rhyme.

September 11,2001..

Pearl harbor before that..

After both of those … who is to say? But in order to avert something terrible, one has to try to find the source and hopefully fix it. it’s a job too big for one man. So unless we all miraculously come together as a nation and change our ways and show the world that America is changing for the better, then we will always be our worst enemy. Together, as humans and as a nation, we can endure most anything and rebuild. Together we could communicate with one another and be the eyes and ears that the police cannot possibly be. Together, we could communicate with the true followers of Islam to avert problems with the more radical followers of Islam. Together, that’s just the tip of the iceberg..

Divided? Well we live that everyday. and so we are unknown to each other and FEAR surrounds us.

I’ve said my piece.

T.F.

Reality is the curse of the unimaginative…

Seems like all I ever do is dream, but since I’m a person that likes to create, I suppose  dreams are  indispensable tools 🙂

What I would like to tell people is that in this world of “reality” it becomes harder and harder to dream. This is me speaking from experience. I can’t stress enough how important it is to be able visualize something and actually believe in it enough to make it a reality.

In life there are so many distractions and detractors. I swear it seem that there are more things in the way of a man now than what there ever were before, but if you’re like me, you don’t like to quit. You don’t like to waste a good thought or a good dream.

Anytime I come up with an idea, it gets written down, because dreams can fade, so you have to catch them and put them on paper. Sometimes, they happened so fast you don’t have time to read what you’re writing, but there is plenty of time for that later. What is important is the dream, grabbing onto it as best you can before it becomes nothing.

If its good and you have it all on paper, then always thank God for allowing you to see this vision, for there are lessons in all dreams. Even the most horrific dream has a lesson to be learned. The great writer Stephen King’s stories are mostly fueled from his nightmares and personal phobias, but he usual has a character in every story who is brave despite the terrible things going on in the story (an important lesson of life)

So thank god for every dream.

Once you have a good dream on paper, it is up to you to make it a reality. It is up to you to shape it. The dream can be a poem, that needs to be fixed for spelling errors or it could be the plans for a statue or building that would be magnificent if people could only see it as you do.

Again…it is up to you to shape the dream… To make it manifest.

These rules go for any day-dream or adventure of the so called “over active imagination.” If your mind opens to something new and exciting for you, then write it down.

Every time.

I thank God for the things I have written, because many times I do not see them coming beforehand. Like many dreams, much of my work just happens.

But once I read many of my words, I come to love myself even more than I normally do 🙂 It is not that no one else could have written these words…it is the fact that I wrote them.

To write something of substance and merit, to build something that helps people, to carve a statue admired by thousands, to paint something that makes people think…..Makes you feel so good that sometimes…you think you’re dreaming.

Always remember, God creates, the dEVIL divides and ultimately destroys.

To the youth of the world, I ask that more of you dream and try to create things of positives as well as things that spur thought. Never forget that it is your god given right to create, it is your power to dream.

The next artistic renaissance need not be the work of just one man or woman.

Students….reread the selection, focusing on the words in bold 🙂

T.F.

P.S.

Yesterday I thought about the different ways I could look at life. The one I liked the most was this one..

What if life is simply a dream? What if the whole “reincarnation” philosophy was real and the thoughts I have, the places I see in my mind, the people, the conversations, all of these were things I have seen in the previous lives I have had. In this way, the soul of a being would be a sort of floating energy that could not be destroyed by any means and upon the death of its physical vessel, it would simply travel to the next one. Not just a conceived human egg, but a dog, a cat, even an insect.

This life, that we lead, what if it is just another stop…Another dream?

Most deaths end with the eyes of the person being closed.(If one has a natural death that is) When the eyes close, perhaps we in fact sleep, for the final time…

When we wake up….Another life.

Now I will get bugged out for a moment so run away if free thinking scares you..

I have been trying to figure out why some babies die horrible deaths..(Credit the newspapers. You know how the newspaper is just chock-FULL of negative news. Well I just happened to be reading about some terrible shit going on in Africa)

I refuse to believe, that if one is a murderer in life, that there is forgiveness in the afterlife…I don’t believe it at all. Since god is a being that takes creation very seriously, for you to destroy it in any way is perhaps unforgivable.

So I thought, “Maybe, the souls of some of the worst people are brought back as certain babies.”

Think about it this way, if a soul , the essence of all you were, were put into a baby’s body and you wanted nothing but love, food, and water, but you were denied these things and instead, were beaten, stabbed, boiled, hacked to pieces, abused in the worst way humanly possible by someone else…a bad person lets say or your parents

If a child had enough of a mind, I guess it would ask “why is this happening to…me?”

Then it would die.

I can think of no worse fate, no better HELL…than to be continuously being brought back….as a child…just to die. To be born….to have light….. Then to have it taken from you in the most senseless of ways……I believe that would be as good as I could make HELL….were I God.

But….before you think of me as some kind of weirdo…(which I am Thank you) Remember, I’m just trying to make sense of certain things using out of the box thinking.

Remember I started this all off thinking about how I could look at life…So I could try to make sense of it all, the things around me and around the world…

But in dreams…..things that make no sense….the senseless…happens daily…So it is in life….

In dreams…the impossible is possible…So it is in life

And if one is of strong conviction…you can make a dream into whatever you want it to be…

So it is in life….

And …maybe…when we lie down and close our eyes for the final time…We wake up anew…With only the vaguest recollection of the life we had…

All that we can remember are bits and pieces…Exactly like a dream….

In this life.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm……

T.F.